The Day I Met Stan the Man

Baseball Hall of Famer Stan (The Man) Musial passed away last week. He was an incredible baseball player and a quality man. I had the chance to meet him in St. Louis in 1964. My American Legion Baseball team (Ages 16-19) won the National Championship. The prize for the championship was a free trip to the Major League World Series. My entire team was flown to St. Louis where we got to attend the first two games of the World Series which featured the St. Louis Cardinals and the New York Yankees. Let's just say that it was a cool experience for this 16 year old kid.

The Cards won the first game, and the Yankees won the second. Immediately after the second game, our team was bussed to the St. Louis Airport, where we had a three-hour wait for our return flight to Los Angeles. While seated in the American Airlines Terminal, the thought occurred to me that both the Cards and the Yankees might be traveling back to New York for Game 3. Having read a Sports Illustrated Advertisement for United Airlines that boasted that 90% of all Major League Baseball teams fly United, I snuck over to the United Terminal just to see what I could see.

When I arrived, I was the only person there, but just minutes after, I saw a trickle of people coming my way. The first person I recognized was Tim McCarver, the catcher for the Cards. Shortly after that Roger Craig, a Pitcher for the Cards came up to me and began reading the patch on my gold blazer. (Our whole team had to wear these bright gold blazers with a big embroidered patch that read, "World Champions" along with more details about our team.) Roger Craig read the patch and extended his hand and said, "Congratulations son."

Next came Stan the Man who was with his wife. Musial retired in 1963, but became the Vice President of the Cardinals in 1964. He walked right up to me and after glancing at the patch on my jacket said to me, "I saw you guys in my binoculars sitting in the right field box seats. I wondered who you guys were." Then he too shook my hand and congratulated me. At that very moment, some of my other teammates got the same idea that I had and came running down the concourse toward me. One of the star players on our team went right up to Stan the Man, and said, "Mr. Musial, my dad played ball with you in the minor leagues. Do you remember him?" Musial politely asked my teammate, "Well what is his name son? My teammate told him the name of his dad, George Fingers. Musial wrapped his hand around his chin in a meditative posture and responded, "No son, I don't remember ever playing with a man by that name."

The name of my teammate is Rollie Fingers, who would go on to become a Hall of Famer himself. He was the second relief pitcher to be voted into the Hall of Fame, and he is only one of 8 Major League players to have his number retired by two different teams (Oakland A's and Milwaukee Brewers). Stan Musial didn't remember George Fingers, but I'm sure he was able to follow Rollie's entire career through the major leagues.

Theory of Reality

More than 40 years ago I read a quote by Robert J. Ringer in a book he wrote, Winning Through Intimidation. He described what he called a Theory of Reality in this way: "Reality isn't the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are." It was one of the most simple and profound statements I have ever read. I no longer have a copy of the book, but I remember that he went on to further explain, that if we do not embrace reality as our friend, then reality will prove to be a vicious enemy that always works against us.

Let's unpack this statement a bit. Reality isn't the way we wish things to be. When the popular show, American Idol first came out, my daughter Stacy discovered it while she was channel surfing. People were auditioning for the show, and we were amazed to see how many of them thought they had the musical talent to win the competition, when in fact they were horrible, and the judges expressed that reality to them. It didn't matter how strongly they wished to be or thought themselves to be talented singers, the reality was that they were awful. Their reality told them that they were the next American Idol. The judges, and the vast majority of the listening audience saw something else. Which was true reality? Take a look. Warning: this is painful to watch.

You want to think that people like this learn from reality and embrace it rather than letting it crush them. The sad fact of the matter is that many people simply don't accept reality about them and the way to live in a real world. The consequences of that are that they create a world with a different set of values that fly in the face of reality. There are a few commercials currently running on television that I like. It shows people walking with a severe lean to their gate.

Here is the other part of the Theory of Reality: Reality is not the way things appear to be. There is a stretch of highway that runs through the mountains in a beautiful part of Interstate 70 in Utah. From all appearances, you look to be going downhill, while in fact you are climbing. I always ask the people in the car with me if they think we are going uphill or downhill. They agree with my observation until I take my foot off the gas and we begin to slow down pretty quickly. It is an optical illusion. Regardless of the appearances, the facts don't agree.

What are the consequences of ignoring the Theory of Reality? Like the person who lives life on a slant in a straight up-and-down world will tend to fall, or will bump into things. I have a friend who lives a pretty tragic life this way, and she has a difficult time keeping friends. She talks a lot about life according to her truth, my truth, and other's truth. It is like she's the person in the picture above walking on a slant. To her everybody else looks crooked, but to the other 5 people in the photo, she is walking on a slant. Who is living in reality? 

One definition of integrity is the quality of being whole or undivided. You might say that a person of integrity is a whole person. How he sees himself corresponds to how others see him. Though not all of his friends and acquaintances know him at the same level, there is significant resonance with how they generally know him. There will also be resonance with how he is known by those closest to him--his wife, his children, and certain other family members. This will also correspond with how God, who knows all sees him. 

Where a person's integrity breaks down is when there is dissonance among these various views of a person. This is all too common with people who are charismatic and gifted leaders who function in a public role. If they are able to look really good in front of others then they can make lots of friends and influence a lot of people. Because they only spend a limited and very manageable amount of time in these public settings, they can maintain a very polished image of themselves. 

Where the rub often comes is when things are not so pleasant at home. Quality marriages, families, and friendships take a lot of time and hard work. It may be that the rewards of hard work in the trenches of marriage, children, and mutual friendships don't compare with the rewards of public notice and the accolades that come with it. What is reality for the person who is a tremendous success in the eyes of maybe hundreds or even thousands of people who are influenced by him while at the same time he is failing as a husband, father, and friend? Of these two kinds of relationships, which matters the most? Which should matter the most?

I would contend that the way this person is seen by those closest in relationship to him (his wife, his children, and God) is more realistic than those who see him only at his best in public. Based on the above mentioned Theory of Reality, this person is in a very precarious situation where reality will work against him. He will have to live a double life and invest increasing amounts of time to maintain the ruse. 

I am not saying that a very successful, charismatic leader cannot have a stellar, genuine relationship with his wife, his children, and his good friends, and be a person of integrity. It takes a lot of work, but it is more than worth it.